This week I have once again been reminded that surrendering is the one thing that moves things forward. A frustration at not being able to move in the direction I have wanted to has been simmering away for some time.
Of course I've read, listened to and known about surrendering for so many years. And, at times it has worked beautifully. Being human however, I forget and fall back into old habits of holding on, pushing hard and wanting things how. I'm impatient, I always have been.
With many ideas always flowing, and an innate need for change, I like variety. Once I have an idea that feels right, I like to act on it. I don't see the point in waiting. I've never been one to do indepth analysis of what to do next, I'm willing to take the risk. And, I'm more than happy to change course if something doesn't turn out to be what I thought it would be. To me, that is life; we can't possibly know how a new venture or direction will be until we are on that road.
When I have others to consider though, it's a different story. This is about thinking about their differing needs, and balancing my thinking and actions with that in mind. Okay, let's be honest here, I am impatient, as I have said already. I find this challenging on many levels.
Over the last few weeks such a situation has arose. What I have found so interesting is that every few days I get such an incredibly strong gut feeling to let go. To surrender. To take a step back. And when I do, a peaceful feeling washes over me once again. It's almost as if my body knows when it has had enough. I'm also noticing that I get tired when I push hard; my energy is used up more quickly than it otherwise would be.
Observing my physical, emotional and psychological responses to the cyclic rhythm of pushing then letting go is something I find fascinating. It's almost as if my mind gets to a point where it says, No more. I then consciously make the decision to take a step back. My body responds with a need for rest.
Right now, as I navigate a desire for a new life situation, I'm being given plenty of opportunity to practice surrendering. It's daily learning. It's a matter of listening to my mind, body and soul. And, it's responding in the way that is best for me in any given moment. A challenge for sure, but one I'm up for.