Since losing my dear brother to brain cancer on New Years Eve 2019 it's been a roller coaster of a ride. As I'm sure you know, this is the way of the unpredictable path of grief. Over the last few days I've been feeling rather flat, a little low and very tired.
After identifying that this week a year ago marked a significant milestone in his treatment, it's hardly surprising that my feelings of deep sadness have been more intense. The waves of deep, deep sadness come at the most unexpected times, but it's what we do with those that makes the biggest difference to our health and healing.
This evening as I was cooking dinner one of those surges came over me and I sobbed. After a wander around the garden talking to my brother, feeling the full intensity of my sadness, I was able to take a deep breath and continue cooking our evening meal.
What I always find, is that every time I not only acknowledge, but also fully feel whatever I'm feeling, the sooner it subsides.
And with grief, it's not only sadness that we feel. It's very normal to have periods of time feeling angry, low, and in the early days, in denial. Often we can have a time of asking why and wishing things were different, a bargaining period where in our heads we would do anything to change the situation.
With healthy exploration and expression of all of our feelings in relation to our loss, we will eventually come to a place of acceptance of what is. Not to move on or forget, never; but to find a more peaceful and place within knowing that this was their time. As difficult and sad as that is, it is a healthier place to arrive at, when you are ready.
Sharing my experience around my brother's death is something I do with his blessing, and for that, and the incredibly close relationship we had, I am eternally grateful.
Until next time,