It was Sunday morning and after a lie-in and a shower, the feelings started again. With tears running down my cheeks, a wave of deep sadness and desperation flowed through me. Sitting at my desk to journal about this barrage of thoughts and feelings, I pounded at the keyboard; I had to make sense of this.
Over the past year or two, I have been craving a change. I’m someone who loves variety and living in the same place for nearly 13 years, and doing the same job for 5 years, is shall we say, unusual for me. One friend was in a job for 23 years and in that time I would have had 23 jobs. And as a child I remember often telling my mother that I was bored. From examining this over the years, and at times trying my hardest to stick with one thing, I now know that my innate being is one that needs change. Without it, I feel like I'm dying inside.
Lately, with the frustration of lower energy and mood levels due to my vitamin and mineral deficiencies, making a change feels like a massive task these days. Whilst my health is definitely improving, it’s certainly not back to normal yet and I tire easily. What ensues is an endless cycle of desperately wanting a change but not having the energy to make it happen.
One of the things I’ve wanted for a few years now is to move into the city. After living rurally for twelve and a half years, I’m yearning for the vibe and stimuli of urban life. A number of weekend and longer trips away the last few years has definitely confirmed this for me. Being able to walk to shops, cafes or restaurants and out my front gate for a walk or bike ride appeals immensely. Our recent trip away to Havelock North in the Hawkes’ Bay was a great trial run of such a lifestyle that we both loved.
An option for a further trial of city life is to occupy one of our rental properties for a period of time. But, they have tenants currently and that’s all a bit of a mission with the new tenancy laws. Today, however, the universe has spoken. I love how it works.
With intense feelings, an aching neck and shoulders from holding the tension, my body, mind and soul was feeling it all. Taking a break from my journaling to check my Inbox, my jaw dropped open at what I saw. One of our tenants had given notice. This means we can use the property ourselves without having to go through the tenancy processes. We can now have it as a city base to trial the lifestyle for a good few months, then we can decide where to next. I couldn’t be happier. This will give me the change I am looking for.
As I reflect on this emotional process, I feel exhausted and delighted all at the same time. Once again the process of feeling every feeling that came, of going into those feelings as fully as humanly possible, has brought me out the other side to a new place. I'm a true believer that when we do our inner work, the rewards come.
Question: What experiences have you had of the universe showing you the way when you felt stuck? Let me know in the comments, I'd love to hear.
Kathryn is focused on living life without regrets. By sharing her personal journey she hopes to inspire others to live a life they truly want to live. She was brought up in rural New Zealand and is from a family of eight. After a lengthy corporate career in executive support, administration management and training, then as a business owner, Kathryn is now following her greatest passion of