When I took my annual holiday in December 2021 I thought I'd be back on deck in a month's time and ready to tackle my big projects for 2022. That was not to be.
It had been a huge couple of years, as it had been for us all.
Usually I'd have my goals for the new year all written up, carefully mapped out and I'd be ready to get started. The New Year came and went and I was feeling less and less interested in even setting goals, let alone working towards achieving them.
By the time mid January came around I just wasn't ready to start work again. In fact, I had no interest in new projects whatsoever.
My husband and I were out for a walk and lunch at the beach one day and driving home, I had a thought... I think I'll take the rest of the summer off. I must admit I felt a little guilty, but when I broached the subject with my better half, he said... Good idea. Well, that was all the encouragement I needed. It was a done deal.
As I navigated my second month off, I worked around the house organising, tidying and cleaning, took time out to be, read, watched Netflix and YouTube, lay in the sun, walked and rode my bike. All the while I was very aware that any and all interest for work had simply vanished. I did a lot of work on trusting the process of life, of trusting my intuition, but at times my resolve in that trust faltered. I was afraid. I was afraid that I'd never get my work mojo back. It really did feel like that. But I surrendered, and the more I did, the better I felt.
I started to feel free.
I started to feel free of limitations.
I started to feel free of my inner critic.
I started to feel free of my conditioning that was telling me I was lazy to take two months off over summer.
Then I realised that I get to choose what I do. I get to decide. Me. No-one else.
And, after two months of not working, of processing my thoughts and feelings and tuning into myself deeply, of honouring what I really, really needed, I'm back.
Today, mid-afternoon, I picked up my filed entitled 'Online Course' and continued with the work I'd started back in early December 2021.
What I'm continuing to learn is that we have our own answers. It is our conditioning that so often holds us back from both tuning in to who we are and what we want, and giving ourselves exactly that.
I'm aware that not everyone can take two months off, but it's not about that. This is about listening to ourselves, not matter what the situation. It's about taking a nap if you feel you need to. It's about sleeping in or taking a mental health day if you need space.It's about listening to yourself. It's about loving yourself more than you ever have.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.