When a Profound New Realisation Takes Time to Grasp


I don't know about you, but when I discover something new about myself, it can sometimes take me time to adjust. A recent realisation that seems obvious has left me reeling in thoughts and feelings that are difficult to grasp. Of course logically, I know this to be true, yet I'm still catching up with myself over it. When I was in Psychotherapy I remember my therapist talking about what happens when we have a shift within ourselves as a result of doing self-analysis. She used the analogy of buying a new coat. You walk into a shop, try the coat on, like it and decide to buy it. You take it home, however it's not until you wear it a few times, that it really feels like it is yours. I really loved this and I have been reminded of it often over the years. There have been many, many times when I've had a-ha moments that hit me like a tonne of bricks. All of a sudden, or so it seemed at the time, I had understood something about myself I'd not recognised previously. It was always something profound that just seemed to make perfect sense in a way that left me wondering why I'd never seen it before. This I guess is the continued path of making the unconscious conscious, which is what happens when we focus on, and work to understand our thoughts and feelings. It's like all this processing is going on in the background and because of that, every now and then the dots connect in a way that brings a new realisation to the conscious mind. It's just so fascinating. As I get older, I have moments when the reality of both my age, and the limited time I have on this earth, really strike me. It's like, oh my goodness, I'm at this stage of my life or that stage, and for some reason, it's not been in my consciousness before. What has struck me lately, is around retirement. Last week we were driving home from a two week holiday and totally out of the blue, I had the thought that I will be 65 years old in seven and a half years time. I was floored. How can that possibly be I thought. I have been sailing along doing my thing, working and doing my life and each day, obviously, I'm getting closer and closer to retirement. But in my mind, it was a long way off. It's not though. Not at all. Next month marks eight years since I left the corporate world. Since that time I have started three businesses and life has been busy on many levels. To think now that in less than that time I will be old enough to receive the pension (if the age doesn't change), has been difficult to get my head around. I've been playing it over and over in my mind, trying to grasp the reality of it, and it's been really, really hard. Now I understand why my mother-in-law used to say she didn't feel 72 because she felt like it wasn't that long since she was in her 20s or 30s. At the time I kind of thought that was a bit odd, but I totally get it now. How on earth can I be that close to retirement; it just doesn't seem right. But it is. So, there you have it, my latest realisation I'm currently grappling with. Once I've had more time to process my thoughts and feelings about it, I'll get used to the idea, I know I will. But for now, it's challenging to say the least. If you've had a similar experience, I'd love to hear about it. Let me know in the comments. With love,