Most of my life I have wanted to be somewhere other than where I am. When I've settled into something new, it hasn't been long before I have found another shiny object to pursue.
There are many reasons for this. A couple of connections I made when I was in Psychotherapy were, being separated from my mother immediately following my birth, and another, losing her to cancer when I was 12 (she was 47). Both of these experiences impacted me enormously, much more than I ever realised when I was much younger.
As a result of these early experiences, one of the other things I understandably had trouble with, was acceptance. I can only imagine how terrified I would have felt as that infant. Without that initial period of crucial bonding, the start of the process for secure attachment could not have happened. And, with the later loss of my mother, those insecurities were only reinforced.
All of this analysis has been incredibly helpful in understanding myself. However, even with deep work in psychotherapy, we cannot change our core personality. We therefore need to learn how to navigate life when these early challenges once again arise in our day to day lives.
Learning to be where I am; right here, right now, is one of the most powerful lessons I have learned. Have I been able to practice this perfectly since learning it? No. What I have learned though is that the more I push through, the more uncomfortable I feel. These days, when I fall back into that pattern of wanting to be somewhere else, life gets really hard, really quickly. Nothing seems to flow. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. At that point, with one thing piled on top of the other, I feel completely overwhelmed. I have to stop. Everything.
Here's what works during these times:
1. Take the pressure off. Myself. Being someone who is always pushing, and having a perfectionist streak, I'm hard on myself. For me, taking the pressure off needs to be actively stopping; removing things from my calendar or task list.
2. Take a helicopter view. Next, I need to look down on my life so I can see what is going on. When I take this view, it immediately becomes obvious as to why things are now flowing.
3. Take a different approach. Change is what is needed most here. If I don't change something, nothing will change. I know, that's pretty obvious, but when you're in your life, it's sometimes hard to see the wood for the trees.
When I take these steps, I find that I start to feel lighter within myself pretty quickly. The key is to maintain this new position, and that is what I struggle with. It's about remaining aware of all of my actions, so I don't slip back once again. And, it's about pulling myself up if I do.
Let me know if you can relate to this and what you find helpful in dealing with similar situations.
With love,
